beingbeaple

This morning was quite an eventful one. I woke up early, as if today was a class day, and started making plans about how my morning should go. Shrimps were served for breakfast and I must say that the whole dish was not very appetizing (it’s either the shrimps weren’t fresh no more or the tuba sucked).

So yes, I went to Xavier University - a school I seriously do not want to study in - to apply for a scholarship - that I don’t really need. My mother was opposed to the idea of me applying. She was a scholar during her college years and she managed to push her way through college by editing her school paper. Only, unlike me, she didn’t like the job very much; she insists she only did it "out of necessity".

And after raising me my whole life, she thinks I can’t handle the life of a scholar. In a way, she’s right (I barely study and I hate numbers with a passion). But seriously, applying for a scholarship doesn’t mean I’m immediately going to be declared a scholar. There are a lot of factors to consider, actually, and seriously, the chances of me being a scholar are slim.

Why do people make such a big deal out of litte scholarship applications anyway? On the way to XU, I happened to ride - in the same jeep - with a family friend’s college freshman daughter and when she found out I was going to Xavier to do what I did just a few minutes ago, she was like…

Wow.

Or at least something like that.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have no biases against scholars and scholar-worshippers. But these people are still just people, aren’t they? PInch them, they get hurt. Insult them, they retaliate. Of course, they’re gifted wih a slight advantage in terms of academic ability, but at the end of the day, they’re still humans like us.

Can’t people look past the brain and take a peek at what’s inside?

Before I rant off more derogatory remarks, I’d better move on to sharing what happened to me today:

Manang Em and I entered the campus through the wrong gate (the guards must have known we were outsiders because we were the noisiest people there at eight in the morning) but thankfully, we were still allowed inside. For a while, I was wandering around, lost -with my chaperone tagging along behind me - until I remembered that there was this miniature campus imitation in the library. (How did I find out? Well, it’s another long story but it involves a certain afternoon spent trying to track down friends from a Chemix seminar.)

The Testing Center was in Campion Hall. During one of the XU Days - ironically, the night when the girls and I were circling the campus - we passed by that place and I recalled a story about it being haunted. It’s the Nursing Building, after all.  But it didn’t look so formidable in the morning.

After a few twists and turns, we found the Testing Center - where the people were sill cleaning up and exchanging early morning pleasantries and gossip. The lady in pink - who apparently was in-charge of the whole office - told me to rush to the finance office to pay PhP 50 for the application.

Go straight and find the office facing the road.

The instructions were crystal clear but I still complicated the route by going round and round the grounds. I found an office that looked suspiciously like a finance center - but drat, it turned out to be the Registry. I cornered one of the school people - while she was combing her hair - to ask if I was in the right place and after being told:

Go straight and find the office facing the road

I finally heeded everyone’s advice. And found the finance center.

Straight from the testing center and facing the road.

After a slight mishap with the grouch in Window 4 - again, this reminds me of something but that is another story - I went back to the Testing Center and showed her my slip. And the lady gave me a little blue paper to sign on and I sheepishly asked, "May I borrow your pen?" And she said no.

So I tried to borrow a pen from her colleague - but the other lady, this one in black, only had a pencil. So yes, I signed the form (that could change the course of my future) with a Mongol, despite the fact that I prefer mech pencils to normal ones.

Then, while I was wondering how to answer the last question (WHY DO YOU WANT TO STUDY IN XAVIER UNIVERSITY?) Roshy walked in, followed by no other than Mr. Retuya. We exchanged the usual lines ("Wow, I can’t believe you’re here!","I was wondering where you were.") and after the pink lady told me I could go - and after I returned the pencil I borrowed - the two managed to convince me to lead them to the finance office.

Our trip there was quite uneventful (compared to mine, anyway) and we reached our destination in no time at all. I tried to warn them about the grouch in Window 4 but decided against it and told myself that they ought to experience a bit of reality, too.

And I left.

Well, not really. I was captivated by the list of tuition fees for the different freshmen courses in front of the Treasurer’s Office. Let me just ask why Psych students pay so much just to study people’s brains, okay? Why do Psych students pay so much just to study other people’s brains??? I mean, yeah, they use the lab often but look at the price for BS Bio students and you’ll see there’s a six thousand peso difference!(Something close to that amount, anyway.)

Well, I suppose it is because the Psychos - Tee hee! - have more subjects than most freshmen… but then again…

Why do Psychos have more subjects anyway?

I never realized trying to comprehend the human mind was that difficult.

Poof!

I wonder how it feels like to be normal? I wouldn’t know… I was born into this world as part of an abnormal kind. I don’t think the way other people do and I certainly don’t act like other girls my age. In fact, I am a like a thrity-year old secretary stuck in the body of a fifteen-year old begrudging student. Well, at least that’s what one of my friends thinks.

What is this Friendster thing anyway? Sure it is quite addictive but does it really help us make friends? By clicking on tiny thumbnails with peoples’ face do we actually get to connect with them heart-to-heart? By grabbing a photo - of course, I’ve never grabbed a photo as I don’t know how - do we really make ourselves a part of other peoples’ lives?

Sigh.

I don’t know where this topic came from. I guess it’s just the usual agenda overload.

By the way, a certain school paper moderator wants to grope her way into Friendster. She thinks it might be fun. Hmmm.. Well, it is, isn’t it?

This whole "editing the school paper thing" is getting quite worrisome. It is rather enjoyable to strut in the limelight after eons of wallowing in depression, but with the privilege comes the pain. Okay, not pain but insecurities. I remember the time when I was chosen to edit the school paper… Aah. Memories.

After a quick glance at the bulletin board - where there was this recycled paper that blatantly said CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEW CAMPUS OBSERVER STAFF - I attacked our moderator in the canteen (while she was having her late afternoon snack) and demanded that I be demoted. Seriously.

Thank God she refused to do that. Brr… At least working for the paper sort of added air to my punctured dignity balloon, huh?

Bah. Does anyone even know what I’m talking about?

Poof!

No, don’t get any ideas about me starting off about food and such. This entry is entitled Bread and Butter because it reminds me of something my mother once told me as we were walking along the truck garage near KHS.

You’re spreading yourself too thinly.

A scoff was all I repaid her with. The idea seemed quite preposterous to me – besides, I didn’t quite fully understand what she was trying to say back then. But now, I guess I can sort of see what she meant.

I pride myself over being able to handle responsibilities quite responsibly. I may not be the best at anything, but I am quite good at knowing who is good at something so I’d like to think of myself as quite a competent leader. Sure, I tend to catch all the work if my group mates find themselves somewhat incapable of doing it, but hey, am I not just doing my job?

So yes, just now I have realized that I have a lot in my hands. I have that reporting thing to worry about and then there’s the Campus Observer and then there’s the Filipino project! Oh, and I also happen to be the one in charge of all these projects.

Not to mention, there’s the fact that I am bad at Accounting – I never even tried to love the subject so I suppose that’s where all these negative feelings about it come from – and I am in danger of slipping of the honors list.

Sigh.

But my social life and emotional stability are improving, you know. And stupid though it may sound, I would rather have tons of academic problems than have a burden in my heart. Hear, hear.

I shall make it through all these jobs and I shall do a wonderful job in each, I assure you.

Poof!

In writing, I rarely count the number of words I’ve used to get my point across to my readers. In fact, I only heard of Microsoft Word Count recently and before that I used to count my draft – if I was required – manually.

But then we were assigned to write this reflection based on the homily of the Foundation Celebration Mass; we were asked to consume at least three hundred words. I thought it would be so easy writing something that short – after all, I’ve written a lot of stuff much longer than just that.

There was a hitch to the sitch, though, because I didn’t have an inkling about the homily. I just knew it was about the Beatitudes and what the Kingdom of Heaven is not. So guided with those bits of information, I set out to write my thoughts – and oh, what a task that was.

By the end of the whole writing process, I was not so satisfied with my work.

Then again, I rarely am.

So yes, moving on to a different topic…

I am officially sick. I was hacking like crazy during class and now my runny nose won’t cooperate – in other words, each time I attempt to bend my head, the booger in my nose threatens to… er… burst forth. Thank God I’m not as sick as the last time – with the bronchitis and the fever and all the false alarm about me having dengue and the nightly CBCs… brr… So yes, I truly am quite grateful I’m not THAT sick. It saves everyone a lot of trouble.

Besides, this is not the right time to be absent. So many exciting projects to work on!

On a more serious note, a friend of mine recently celebrated her ninth monthsary with her boyfriend. I gave her a sincere smile, which faded away awfully quickly as I thought about my own horrible love life.

Sniff, sniff.

I suppose I’ve always been a quitter. I quit piano, I quit Kumon, I quit all the other stuff I swore to do when I was younger – like pursue my dream of becoming a famous novelist like JK Rowling. Although I do like the relief that comes with quitting a tedious task, I do become quite downhearted and I tend to wallow in misery for a bit. I seriously don’t like quitting, you know, and I especially do not like quitters.

But I suppose sometimes quitting something has its perks. It relieves you of a certain burden, especially if the load is getting too heavy to carry. It allows you to start anew. It frees you to do other things. Perhaps I am only trying to justify the act of quitting – which is not very healthy, actually – but I seriously feel like saying what’s on my mind right now.

When I heard that my heart sort of skipped a bit, as it always does when that topic is mentioned. When we were discussing it, and as the events slowly started to unravel themselves like a mummy’s bandages one by one, I felt mildly ecstatic – I do hope you understand what I mean. But then, the pessimist in me kicked in and I suddenly found me asking myself:

Is this for real?

Poof!

The Foundation Day Celebration of KHS is finally over. I had a lot of fun, but I don’t know if most of the people I know had fun, too. I mean, most of the people in my class were the ones assigned to organize the programs and each time I’d see them in the sidelines, they always seemed so… tired. Kind of like me, only quieter.

Besides, this occasion is much better than the Intrams. I only cried once this time! That’s a mighty feat, you know.

Oh, and it really is quite difficult to take pictures of bands – at least for amateurs like me. You’ll discover – as I did last night – that the lead guitarist almost always twists and turns like a maniac and the vocalist is always bouncing up and down like an overinflated balloon.

By the way, good job to the Band-aid members who won second place during last night’s

Battle

. I wanted Rebil to win, too, and obviously I would have been thrilled if they got in the top three.

Speaking of which, I must also share to you the Steag State Power Energy Quiz.

Three of my friends were there, along with their coach. Almost all the private schools in Misamis Oriental were invited to join – and join they did. The whole affair was enjoyable, especially for the self-confessed nerds like me and the parents and relatives of the participants. Sure, all the talk about Physics was bound to get boring after some time, but the questions were quite interesting actually.

In the end, KHS had a tie with

Corpus Christi

. Our team consisted of three thorns and theirs was made up of three roses. After six questions or so – just as in the Rotary Club where the people kept getting ALL RIGHT or ALL WRONG so no one could be declared a winner yet – KHS failed to get the right answer. The question goes something like:

            Which of these industrial plants produces the least amount of pollution?

And the answer was: Thermal plant.

I guess we should have known that Steag was advertising itself.

Our coach was sort of sad at the lost chance and so were the players. I wasn’t very sad though cause it was a close fight – and an enjoyable one, too. Tee hee!

By the way, Marianne – as in Ipulan - was there.

I have one thing to say: I am quite disturbed. I ate only a slice of lasagna for lunch yesterday so I could go watch something I’m not even obliged to cover for the school paper for reasons known only to me and some other people. I was there and I was the one cheering and praying for the team. I was the one who walked all the way from Ket Kai to MOGCHS because I didn’t know how to get to school from Ket Kai – I even passed by my father’s office and do you people have any idea how dangerous it would be if my father saw me strolling up the sidewalk alone?

But in the end…

Sigh. That article was bloody right and so is Ma’am Maghanoy.

Poof!

My friends and I were hoping we could get into the SS Horror Halls last Friday so we decided to meet up at XU. There were four of us high school girls and one college sophie guy – quite a cheerful sight to see in a typical XU crowd. We had been arguing about what to do – since the Horror Halls stopped selling tickets and the waiting line was dreadfully long – and we had unknowingly toured the whole campus when a bunch of our other friends from school found us in front of the canteen, arguing.

Like us, they wanted to go into the SS Horror Halls – a trademark of our high schoolness I suppose, because we always gravitate to anything that would make us scream. They actually tried lining up with the rest of the people hoping to get in, but after a few minutes, they sort of realized it was quite pointless. And so we decided to go rappelling – is this the right spelling? – instead.

I was bloody ecstatic at the thought of walking down a tall building without my parents’ knowledge – in my mother’s heels! – when the receptionist/cashier/PRO guy told us that the waiting time was one hour long.

Sigh. I went home instead. I heard they went to Jollibee.

So yes, I went home. I was walking around the campus alone – it wasn’t very dangerous because there were a lot of people around anyway and the Christmas lights gave more light than actual bulbs. Rape was seriously out of the question – at least I think so. The campus – no matter how small it may seem to be for those who are used to larger areas - was actually very beautiful with its display of colors and bargain booths and karaoke showdown arenas. There was even a musicfest called Batong Bitoon or something like that and even though I felt quite small and insecure walking through that concert – the people around were just so TALL and…. UNASSUMING – I still fell in love with the tunes the bands were playing.

So maybe going to Xavier won’t be so bad after all.