beingbeaple

irl I’ve always sort of looked up to Kris Aquino. I mean, she has everything (materially) that a girl could ask for: she gets to wear a new gown every day, she pays about fifteen million pesos in taxes (so you can imagine how much her actual income is), and a large collection of real estate properties. Sigh. Does financial success come with an unlucky love life? Can’t someone have both?

And I do pity her cause her little family problem is turning out to be the talk of the town. In fact, it’s the main focus of tonight’s Rated K - which means it’s a big deal to the Filipino people.

Moving on, I had quite an experience in the village convenience store earlier. Silly me forgot to buy a transparent folder in National Bookstore earlier so we had to stop by Cookie and Bob to buy one. The lines were long cause the shop was about to close…. lolz… the mad rush…. And there I was, just standing there when this fat American drunkard wobbled over and just stared at me. The whole sitch would have been ridiculously hilarious if he wasn’t standing so close to me. I was dead scared to be less than one foot away from this HUGE intoxicated foreigner.

To further complicate things, a man (Or was it a woman?) covered in boils suddenly stood near my left. And yes, I know I’m an FI Youth member and all that - for crying out loud I’m the secretary of the thing - but my first reaction was really to stay away. Hey, let’s admit it… Only Mother Theresa is selfless enough not to be scared of acquiring leprosy.

So there I was, feeling awkward, wishing the lady would hurry up and get my order. And after she did, I rushed into my car, asked if leprosy was contagious and got into a heated debate with my dad cause he was going overboard and thinking I was going to get leprosy (God forbid).

And you know, I’m starting to become a hypochondria like him. The moment I came home I ran to the bathroom, scrubbed myself all over and wallowed in lavender-scented soap. I even applied alcohol all over my arm! And now I’m itching like crazy, no doubt because my subconscious is thinking it’s body is going to come out in boils (God forbid!).

But no, seriously, I pity that leper. I looked leprosy up on wikipedia and it really is a much-feared disease. Japan hates it, and three countries (Vietnam, Phil and something else) are considered leper colonies. Some people even refer to it as purgatory on Earth cause you lose all feeling right?

Sigh. Why does the earth have to be so beautiful and damn cruel at the same time?

PooF!

According to Sir Sabs, in the three years he has taught Accounting as a ‘mandatory’ subject in KHS he has never encountered such a remedial/removal-prone batch such as ours. The Seniors07 have broken some sort of school record by managing to convince our teacher to give us a removal after EVERY test (even a quiz) when doing so is a big taboo in other subjects. But based on Sir’s speech tonight I would say we had all those remedials because we needed them.

See, in Sir’s eyes we’re supposedly a really intelligent batch. No, seriously, modesty aside, he said that. His own way of gauging our capabilities and level of brain activity was bombarding us with heinous, nose-bleed inducing Accounting problems. He says he wanted to challenge us so that we would see how far our dreams could soar. He actually begged forgiveness for scolding and embarrassing us (in class) all throughout the school year, and he defended his side by saying that when a child is scolded it means he is loved (lolz). His only disappointment, he says, is that no one from our section had the guts to tell him he needed an attitude adjustment. (At least someone from Prudence did.)

As verbose (ehem, ehem) and talkative as I may be I will never be able to recapture the words that came out of Sir’s head through his mouth tonight. They were words that didn’t serve as just lines of a prayer, but also as lines of a speech delivered from the heart. Though no one else cried during his little speech giving ceremony, even after he told everyone he would never forget anyone, I’m sure the message he longed to convey is now etched in each of my classmate’s hearts.

After all, they’re sure well etched in mine. (n_n)

And I hereby declare myself DRAMA QUEEN UNLIMITED.

Poof!

While the rest of my fellow Wisdumbians are probably buried in their Visual.Net photocopies I am blogging. Bummer. What a diligent model student I am. But seriously, I don’t feel up to the task of studying for anything right now, not for Accounting remedial class tomorrow or for Computer practicum. As in, I don’t even feel like starting on my term paper! (My topic, by the way, is Witchcraft in the Philippines. I know the subject ought to be debatable, and I’m fully aware there is, without a doubt, a continuing line of witchcraft and barang in the Philippines, but still…)

I would attribute this laziness of mine to the sad story my Manang Em told me after dinner tonight. It turns out the kitten who was hiding in the alcove - yup, the one my back ached over - fell off its hidey-hole, bumped its head on a rock, and convulsed like crazy. Swear, I nearly burst into big, fat tears. I can just imagine it wincing and writhing in pain, with its mother doing nothing but dragging it someplace else by the neck.

My manang said the kitty tried to test its jumping skills by jumping off its ledge, thinking it would manage. It failed dismally, nearly cracking its head open in the process. I’m sure that if that kitten gets to be older, it will somehow awaken its innate ability to jump off high places and land on its four feet - or shall I say paws? But ain’t it sad? Cats are given the naturally ability to (almost) always land on their own feet but the don’t have emotions like we do. They can feel, all right, but they can’t go on full emo level and they can’t sing love songs or cry over love songs or write love songs when they’re feeling sad and lonely.

But is their inability to feel their greatest disadvantage or their greatest advantage?

I feel so FC with cats because, unlike a certain person I know, I have sentimental stories with them. Mother cats always give birth in our house for some reason, so little kitties that can’t open their eyes yet are commonplace here. (My parents say it’s good luck and I think so, too.) When I was younger I became quite attached to my pet black and white cat whom I named Oliver (after Oliver Twist, who I thought was a cat and not a boy from some famous novel) but he ran away after getting his own mother, a pure white cat, pregnant. Before, a large black cat - I thought of him as Oliver’s dad because Oliver’s mom is white and he’s black, so yeah - used to cross our neighbor’s roof late at night and my manang then would scare me and say that’s a witch’s cat. There was also the time when my father kept ACCIDENTALLY running over little kittens playing with the wheels of our car - gosh, that was the saddest part of all. But the cats suddenly disappeared, our house became devoid of meows and purrs and catfights, and I became more aware of the world that didn’t revolve around my pets’ antics.

So I guess you could understand why I’m making such a big deal out of a stray kitten that lodged itself on my neighbor’s roof, fell off and had a seizure.

Poof!

There is a cat stuck in the roof of my neighbor’s house. It’s meowing so loudly that it annoys me. No, not because it’s noisy and it’s distracting me from my usual evening routine. It’s bothering me because my conscience keeps telling me to find a way to get that cat off the roof because it doesn’t like being stuck there. Obviously, its mother placed it up there but the poor kitty doesn’t seem to find the place very comforting – especially at night when it apparently starts meowing like crazy. Perhaps it’s afraid of the dark like I am?

It’s so sad. If I were the kitten and I was stuck in that dark and smelly alcove all by myself I would probably cry, too. I want to get it down from there and feed it and give it milk and raise it like a pet or something. I mean, the way Fern adopted Wilbur in Charlotte’s Web – that’s the book I’m reading as of the moment, by the way. Either way, as I was trying to get the cat off the alcove it hid and I developed a backache (from lack of exercise, no doubt) so I gave up on it and ate dinner instead.

Now the kitty ain’t making any sounds so I guess its mother has found it and has fed it. I hope and I pray that the kitty is all right because I hate the nagging feeling of leaving something so helpless and vulnerable all by itself.

Poof!

By the way, I heard Prince Harry is being deployed to Iraq. What say you?

Today, I’m feeling quite bad for no reason at all. I snap at people for no reason at all. I get irritated for no reason at all. I start spewing out nonsense for no reason at all. What is happening to me? Why am I turning into an evil, blood sucking dominatrix?

Sigh. I guess I’m just stressed out. Over and out.

Poof!

Darn fwenster! Won’t let me comment in my friends’ blogs…

The reason why I’ve been waking up later than usual lately - thus making me always late for my morning classes - is my addiction to Gundam SEED Destiny. It really is a good show, although I must admit it’s very sad and gruesome. Here are some of the nuggets I managed to tweak out of the show by pausing the DVD once in a while each time I came across something interesting…

Power is necessary because conflict will never disappear…

A name indicates the existence of a thing.

- Chairman Gilbert Dullindal

If you have power be conscious of it.

From the moment you will take that power in your hands you will be the one to make other people cry.

There are things a person cannot accept even if he understands them.

- Athrun Zala

Are people happier with their memories or are they happier without them?

- Neo Lorrnoke

The things we lose from fighting will never come back.

What decides the future isn’t fate.

There is one and only one life to a life.

- Kira Yamato

First you decide, then you carry it out.

Whatever you may gain, if your dreams and future are blocked off, you may only be an existence that has perished.

All of life is allowed to fight for its future.

We cannot be anything other than ourselves.

You cannot allow your dream to be used by others.

- Lacus Clyne

What’s over is over and we don’t know what the future holds.

- Rey Za Burrel

I dare to depend on their support now and someday I will definitely repay the debt.

- Cagalli Yula Attha

I don’t think that wanting to protect someone important to you is ever foolish or wrong.

Because we don’t know what’s ahead all we can do right now is what we believe in.

- Murrue Ramius

To make people take arms the most important thing is a cause.

- Talia Gladys

Power is nothing but power. It is foolish to desire too much of it but to abhor it indsicriminately is just as foolish.

- Lord Uzumi Attha

Kira: If only everyone’s dreams were the same.

Athrun: No, they are the same, I think. But none of us know that.

If you rush forward hastily seeking success (and letting them escape) that’s something you won’t be able to recover from.

Pretty deep huh?

And if anyone cares about my Valentine’s Day I won’t be a hypocrite and say I had fun. It was actually quite sad to be in school today, reliving memories instead of detaching myself from them the way Ma’am Farrah advised me to.

You know, I still had fun even though I didn’t get to feel a direct impact with Cupid’s arrow. In watching others give each other flowers and looking at the beaming faces of my friends, I sort of become happy, too. The light-headedness and giddiness of Hearts’ Day is somewhat contagious, don’t you think?

Poof!

Okay, okay I guess it is partly my fault that we ended up in Divisoria instead of Carmen. Being partly blind, I hailed a jeep to Hi way when in fact Karla, Jee Ann and I were just planning to go to the Liceo area for some Internet research time. Here we are now in some Internet cafe where the rest of the customers are a bunch of so-called mature college boys playing DotA, some males primping up their Friendster accounts, and some nursing students discussing some project of theirs.

It is fun that we ended up here. I mean, we passed by a couple of pirated DVD vendors that Karla admitted were her sukis - her sister buys a lot of anime DVDs and I am planning to borrow their Detective Conan collection soon. By the way, I know pirating is bad, but it is, undeniably, an flourishing industry in itself.

The letter from UP Diliman came in today, in case you want to know. Am so totally excited about going to the big, messy world outside the 1-2-3-4-5…. walls of KHS!

Also, listening to my Tita Lorn talk about her teenage daughter, I was struck by the - somewhat reassurig - thought that my mother didn’t know anything about my love life. I mean, she still thinks I’m still with that guy even though I’m not! Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? That she doesn’t know, I mean - not about the guy ’cause that sitch has always been very bad.

I’m still fascinated by my fingernails, by the way. The sound of french tips making contact with the keyboard is just so fascinating!

Poof!

To describe the affair that transpired last night would be quite unfair to me. I know that a lot of people have made a lot of sacrifices to make the Prom possible and I don’t mean to be rude to those people, but I do think it would be better for me not to say any more about what happened last night.

Let’s just say there are some things about Feb 10 that I’d be better off not remembering. Call me a kill joy or a wet blanket if you wish but that is my decision. Sigh. I’ve always been a melodramatic kid so taking this course of action would only be normal for a person like me.

Either way I’d still like to thank the people who did everything to make the Prom 2007 memorable. It was really cool! And I mean that.

Cool as in cold and cool as in chuy!

There is another happier event that took place on the morning of that day. Eight that morning: I was pacing the floor of the XU Science Center, probably irritating my proctor because of my refusal to sit down and my constant butting in, waiting for my Scholarship interview to start.

Why I took the Scholarship is actually a mystery to me. To be frank I’m not that desperate to get the money and my parents never really bossed me around to take it - in fact, my mother is against my applying for it. I guess the only reason I want to apply for that thing is to see how far I can go with my brain and my infamous attitude.

SO yes, on to the interview.

It was very enlightening. I was in Board 1, there were ten of us aspiring scholars and all of us were taking courses under the School of Arts and Sciences. In our room, there were three judges, assigned to interview us about separate factors to consider for scholarship admission. The first was assigned to interview us about our academics, the second for our financial status, the third for our behavior. An Economics teacher, an English teacher and an RS (Religious Studies) teacher - only I’m not sure which is the Econ prof and which is the Eng instructor.

I had fun answering the questions of the first one. All we ever did was talk about my college plans, my high school grades, my aspirations and expectations for graduation. She even said that if academic standing was the only consideration for scholarship, I would most probably pass.

The second one, this really pretty lady, was assigned to ask me about my family’s financial status. I didn’t really have a hard time answering her questions because I knew all the answers, but a funny feeling started to develop in my stomach because, in answering the questions, it became more apparent that I had low chances of getting the Scholarship.

The third interviewer was the scariest. He was nice, and yet he scared me out of my wits. He kept going on about how I thought I could be of help to the school and the city, and he even got me tongue tied and thinking. I never think! Aargh! I actually had to pause and look at the ceiling, hoping the answer to his questions would drop out from it.

It was very educational and enlightening (as I’ve said before) but I really don’t expect to get the Scholarship. I actually don’t want to get the Scholarship anymore.

After all, Scholarship or no Scholarship, I’m still going to UP.

Poof!

Friday is always the most enjoyable day in high school. It’s the intro to the forthcoming two-day weekend, so usually, it’s surrounded by euphoria and unadulterated childhood bliss. This Friday has been quite fascinating actually ’cause a lot of things have happened… tee hee! It’s bad enough that I was caught playing Minesweeper in Computer class, but it’s worse to be told off for playing Minesweeper after I gave the wrong answer to a question. I could tell Ma’am Lurms was so frustrated that some classmates and me were playing Minesweeper during her discussion, and I really don’t like the nagging feeling of disappointing someone. It’s probably worse than being insulted.

Sigh. Anyway, I’ve been thinking that I’ve missed out on a lot of stuff in my Senior year. I’ve been so caught up in my own world full of work and chasing after articles-past-due that I’ve forgotten to hang out with my barkada. Besides, I’ve been running away from them so much - I still run away from them, actually - that now I feel like I don’t know them anymore. Quite sad, isn’t it?

I do like being alone and stuff but sometimes I do feel lonely when I wonder what the others are up to. It’s like saying I’m a natural extrovert loner - and I am. (At least that test the Guidance Counselor gave says I’m an extrovert.)

I can’t really see much of what I’m writing right now because I’m not wearing my glasses. I can still see clearly, but then again, I can’t see that clearly…

Oh well, talk about trying to think with a clouded mind.

Poof!