beingbeaple

April has always been a hectic month for our family. My grandmother’s birthday was on April 9, mine’s on April 19 and my dad’s is this 29th. Add to that my grandmother’s death day - April 22nd and we get a jam-packed schedule for the first month of summer. But instead of commemorating my grandma’s third death anniv the usual way ‘they’ decided to go pinoy water rafting.

Well I had something to contribute to that, too. See my thrill-seeking, adventure-loving Uncle Aping invited me to go rafting as his sort of birthday/grad gift for me but my father didn’t let him take me with him the first time. Then my aunt and uncle from Calamba came over for my grandma’s death anniv and when they heard about Uncle Aping’s proposed trip (cause we asked permission from my dad again) they wanted to go, too. Since there were a lot of us who wanted to go my father gave in! Nyahahahaha!!!!

After hearing mass at UCCP that morning (Pastor Cal is a v v v good preacher by the way - he really gets to you AS IN gets to your heart) we went to the starting point of the rafting ‘trail’. There was a bridge there and there was this option to jump off that bridge. I swear jumping off that thing was the most liberating thing I’ve done in my life so far. It’s as if you’ve left the world for a few minutes or something and your mind clicks itself off and….. and…

Although we didn’t flip over (my cousin and I were hoping we would) the whole ride was v enjoyable. The view was v calming and the water was really cool! Literally. It’s truly an awesome exp so if you haven’t gone pinoy water rafting yet I think you should give it a shot!

After that the real commemoration ceremony started. We gathered at Greenhills and had a short service led by Pastor Cal (yup, the really good preacher) and a Filipinista priest whose name I didn’t catch. And actually, I have just come to realize that UCCP is a v tight fellowship. I mean, they’re basically this huge family bound by their faith in God. Somehow, I wish the Roman Catholic church would be like that.

Anyhow I listened to Pastor Cal and got really struck by the fact that he didn’t seem to be scared of death. He was very casual about it… saying stuff like ‘Diha man gihapon atong pa-ingnan’… His speech was both creepy and amazing for me…. Perhaps it’s just as Dumbledore said in HP and the Philosopher’s Stone… "To the well [insert appropriate word here] mind death is just like sleeping after after a very long day"

Can’t remember the exact words so I’m reciting it from the top of my head.

Either way I’m going to follow Pastor Cal’s advice: to prepare. Just in case. :D

NEWS FLASH, btw:
Is Jas really in Cebu?????

Poof!

Brilla Uriarte Bergado - Caballero

April 9 [ ] - April 22, 2002

Right. My birthday was yesterday and now I’m officially sixteen. I would like to start this blog entry by saying thank you to all those who’ve greeted me! Thanks very much and I really appreciate it!

The girls, of course, did not forget my birthday. Imagine what a scene it was when I was downloading Mugglecast Ep 87 on iTunes and there was a blackout and it was raining outside when Mary’s van popped up outside the front gate. It was a laugh! We were shouting like nutters and the sleeping neighbors probably thought our house was under seige or something…

My mother expected their arrival though. She bought a lot of food and even a cake - take note: when my mother buys me cake it means something’s up cause I never get cake under normal circumstances. Funny thing was the girls actually asked her permission through text. Thing is I saw her phone and Mary’s messages (connivance for my ’surprise’ party) so I knew they were coming. Whew! Thank God I did, too!

Oh, and I’m kicking this out in the open cause my closest friends (the girls mentioned above) don’t read my blog. Or maybe they do but they never leave comments so I wouldn’t know.

After the tradional gift-giving session and the designated chow time featuring my mother’s funny tasting spaghetti and commercialized choco chip cookies from Goldilocks (How do you spell that shop’s name again?) we took over my parents, who were belting it out in the Magic Sing. That part was half-hilarious, half-hell-raising cause the songs were all old, the newest one being Save the Best for Last by V. Williams, and Jasmine chose us songs like Staying Alive, You’ve Got a Friend in Me and Like a Virgin (for Karla, of all people) for us to sing. While they were singing I opened my pressies and was really touched with all the stuff they gave me. For the sake of posterity I shall post a list here:

Karla - green Cose shoulder bag with lots of tiny leafy flowers

Ogi - red photo album with a cover display of kinds of tea

Jas - stuffed lion that I named Aslan

Carmel - angel figurine named Hope (didn’t name this one) donning a shiny gold dress

Jeanne - a truly inspiring poster with a quote I really need and a jelly roll (fantastic choice, btw)

Mary - a shiny red alarm clock (With batteries!) and a v cute keychain (I collect them)

After the last song, More than Words c/o Jas, had been sung Mary popped Sleepy Hollow in the DVD player and we spent the rest of the afternoon watching Johnny Depp faint at the sight of blood. The movie was more on comedy than horror though. Had great, rocking fun all the same.

They had dinner here at home and while we were halfway through discussing something of vital importance (to us, anyway) a news flash came in through TV Patrol. Turns out Kris Aquino had given birth earlier that day. It was quite a while before I realized that this special baby was sharing my birthday (There’s Erap and Kim Chiu and Ashley Judd and Tim Curry and Hayden Christensen, too, but still….!) and then Jas and I gave each other a high five, shouting with glee. Then Karla said the baby’s name was ironic and we all ended up laughing. And then we moved on to the topic of Siamese twins sharing one body. Yes, all that over a dinner showcasing my family’s extreme fascination for meat (Lechon manok and liempo anyone?).

After the gals had their little covered BH’s of cake and etc I walked them out the door and into the van. And I got Aslan, activated my iTunes and listened to Mugglecast Ep 87, which features a very interesting theory about the prophecy. Do check it out.

And then I went to sleep. Zzzzzzz. My first day as a sixteen year old was v good!

Poof!

P.S.

I do wish Mac and Jee Ann had been there but the former is in Camiguin right now with no one but his pet chicken Chicky for company and the latter was ‘babysitting’ her sisters during the gathering.

That’s the title of one of the RP’s I joined in HEX. I think it’s a fitting title for me right now. It’s the day before my birthday - my SIXTEENTH birthday, take note - but I don’t feel any different from the woebegone, mind-boggled fifteen year old that I was during this past year.

Sigh. I guess I’m just freaked out that I’m turning another year older.

*_* It creeps me out. I’ve never really been the type to look forward to my birthdays - aha, another similarity between mooo and the great HP! I was born on the 19th of April, together with Kim Chiu, Ashley Judd, Tm Curry and a bunch of other people, and since in the Philippines (where I assume we all are) that’s summer there’s not much that happens on my birthday. It’s just any other normal 24 hour cycle when I get greeted and I get to eat the prerequisite Lechon Manok and then… and then it’s suddenly April 20.

Just like that.

Bah, I think I’m going nuts.

Poof!

Did y’know? 
- Emotional pain lasts only 12 minutes. Anything experienced after that is self-inflicted.

- Treating Tomato Ketchup (or any kind of ketchup for that matter) as your dinner viand is NOT a good idea.

- When arguing with parents it is usually advisable to clamp your mouth shut know matter how tempting the thought of biting their heads of with your eloquent diatribe seems to be.

Nope. Not blogging about the band which goes by that name. It just popped into my mind as I was thinking about the massacre at Virginia Tech. Chicken, that was horrible. I read some reports from Yahoo! News and it turns out that psycho has always ALWAYS shown signs of violence. He was an English major and his scripts for a playwriting class were so heinous that I find it quite disturbing that no one actually bothered to check on the kid. Couldn’t they tell he was touched in the head?

Ooooooh! And what’s up with US Gun Laws? How is it possible that a 23 year old student without a ‘valid’ reason is able to just walk into a shop and buy an automatic?!?! That’s ridiculous! The United States is too liberal. And I think I have a shrewd idea why its current admin isn’t doing much to stifle the rampant distribution of guns to the general populace. I mean, I was playing Democracy (it’s this game where you’re supposed to be the Chief Executive of your country of choice) and the Liberal groups in Britain are infuriated each time I try to take off the Firearms Freedom Act or whatever that was. (Not that it’s related to the topic but the first time I played that game a bunch of religious activists murdered me, the Prime Minister of Great Britain.) So yes, a lot of people will react if the gov’t takes down the Anti-Gun Ban thing - America is, after all, the ‘land of the free’.

Sigh. And I thought they’ve had enough out of Columbine. What a twisted version of living the American Dream.

Poof!

Nothing much to do here. I’ve been online for about five hours each day, checking my fwenster account, chatting on HEX, discovering new indie sites worth visiting. Check out www.magitek-designs.net for great anime pics and web tutorials or www.kikomachine.proboards51.com if you’re a Kiko Machine komix fan like moi. There’s also www.gurl.com if you belong to the female species and need some advice, personality quizzes or girly trivia. I’ve also discovered the wonderful existence of YM (I’m not joking) and now I chat with Carmel dearest every single solitary day.

Then again, there are also out-of-the-www fun stuff to do like check on the kittens and watch them roll around in play. There are four of them (genders unknown as of the moment) guarded by their single mother Lily. Is there a need to guess what their names are?

Moony

Wormtail

Sirius

James

Cute noh? Tee hee!

Poof!

P.S. How’s your summer so far? Mine’s been pretty lousy…. Though there are compensations….

I found a phone pal!

He’s not exactly the most talkative person on the planet or anything like that - in fact, he doesn’t really talk much. His vocab consists mostly of words like ‘yeah’, ‘cool’ and ‘really’. Seriously. That guy, though he’s obviously smart, doesn’t really like to say what’s on his head. But I think it’s cool the way he just shuts up and spaces off while I yak on about whatever topic my brain cells land on. I do most of the talking, he does most of the listening - it’s a perfect arrangement. And I really don’t want to see him face to face anytime soon. I would probably just feel a rush of emotions and I’d probably make a fool of myself. *insert sarcastic laugh here*

Although he keeps pestering me to get a mobile phone and just text I really don’t fancy the idea much. Reason One: Everyone’s either a Globe or Smart user. Reason Two: There’s no signal for Globe here and I don’t think Sun has a cell site anywhere nearby either. Reason Three: I don’t enjoy texting because it addles my thumbs. Reason Four: I feel cooped up in the limits of a typical SMS - what I wanna say won’t fit. So there you have it. Just because everyone else loves mobile phones doesn’t mean I do, too.

Even if I’d develop a severe head cold and develop the sudden urge to purchase another mobile phone (the last one I ditched for the simple fact that its keypad got destroyed and I got tired of it) I don’t think it would be wise to contact him. He’d probably think I’m after him or something. Like maybe I had a crush on him??? Wouldn’t want to give him any ideas he might want to build up on. So I ain’t contacting you anymore, Pal. Nuh - uh.

…

I’m still having doubts about that though. He really is a very interesting person to talk to.

Poof!

I think it drives us insane. As human beings we are born with the innate advantage (Or is it a disadvantage?) to feel compelled to lead the flock, to excel, to stand out. According to Father Stephen Abuan, who was the presider in our Baccalaureate mass, everyone has insecurities. Whether consciously or unconsciously these insecurities push us to do the things we do. Even if most of us would rather die than admit it at one point in our lives we have probably felt jealous of someone prettier, someone smarter, someone more popular for reasons we cannot fully comprehend or dare to explain - even to ourselves.

Uurgh. After all the years I’ve been studying under a values-based curriculum this is the only conclusion I can come up with???

But no seriously, there is a reason behind every thing, right? My experience, as well as the experiences of the people around me, have triggered this little blog entry of mine. I doubt I’d be able to get my point across to you cause after all I’ve been thinking about this since I was in fifth grade and the answer AND the real question haven’t even hit me yet. But… I dunno, I just feel like whacking this out into the world, hoping this would somehow make me feel better.

I do hope I’m not getting anyone into trouble.

All my life - well, the days I spent with my consciousness anyway - I always felt that I had to compete. No one told me to excel but I always wanted to stand out, to be noticed, to be talked about, to be cared for. People say that my feelings stem from my being an only child; in other words, I’m KSP and selfish outside our house because in my family I’m used to getting all the attention, all the food, EVERYTHING. I hate it actually and I seriously am trying to psychoanalyze myself but to no avail. KSP lang jud ko.

It came to the point that I even became envious of one of my best friends. At first it was just admiration. I admired her for being so tough and emotional at the same time, I admired her for being so cool and sweet, I admired her for standing up for her principles and being popular at the same time. I loved the way everyone gravitated towards her like little moths do to a lamp and I especially appreciated her sense of fun. Then something ticked in my head and blew off a fuse. All of a sudden I found myself feeling as if I had to compete with her.

Upon retrospection I think I actually did try to compete with her. Unconsciously. As expected, I lost. After all, it is HER game, HER style, HER life - not mine. It left me being more confused, more lonely, more torn that before. It’s as if I’m carrying the whole world on my shoulders but there’s a gaping hole inside me. I dunno how to describe it but I feel so….. different. Oooooh, and the song Pilgrim’s Theme says it perfectly: I’m ‘Tired of taking roads someone else designed’….

As a class activity people sent each other letters yesterday. I got only two letters (in our class of thirty-six only two bothered to write for the activity) and those letters made me think back and wonder if I had done the right thing. Was I right in straying away from the people who mattered most because of reasons I thought were right? Was I right in being passive and letting everything just pass by? Was I right in spending Senior year the way I did? As always it pains me to think and I still refuse to reflect upon it until now. Hurts too much.

My advice to all those reading this is to know which things in life matter most. My friends matter a lot to me but now, because of a stupid thing called competition, I think I’m losing them and I highly doubt I can still get them back. My family matters to me but now it seems as if my mother has some sort of heart problem. I miss him and everything that happened within those six months but more than that I miss the friend I used to have in him. What if I actually forgave what he did and buried the hatchet? Would I still be blogging on my own now or would I be jumping with excitement over some barkade gimmick we could have planned out for tomorrow?

Aw shucks, it’s really all too much. My faith is all I have now and I don’t even know if I’m a good Christian. I just want to loved, to be loving and to be lovable. Is that really too much to ask?

I’m so confused. I wish I could talk to him. Or her. Or any of them. But I haven’t even got the guts to dial his number, I don’t even have the dignity to catch her eye anymore and I don’t even know how to behave around them anymore.

Oh, and I think I’m really off my element right now. So ta-taa for now! Care to leave a comment?

Ever since I realized the hair strands (yes they were strands) on my legs were too long and thick and numerous for comfort I have always felt a bit of a feeling resembling animosity towards them. I often dreamed of the time when I would be allowed to laser them off my epidermis. Okay, maybe not laser but wax. Either way, I was ecstatic when I finally convinced my mother that if I wore stockings with my hair situation (for graduation) she allowed me to get rid of them. Yip yap! So as we strolled through Watson’s I picked the cheapest hair removal treatment off the shelf – it turned out to be almost the same thing as the one Lucy Lovering used in Mates, Dates and Inflatable Bras.

The process of using the thing I bought (I’m not mentioning the brand cause celebrities don’t mention brand either!) turned out to be a major pain in the LEGS. It was really messy too with honey-like goop scattered all over. So after waxing three fourths of my left leg with that thing (I don’t know why I shaved the left leg first – when I take a bath I soap the right leg first….. Hmmm….) I gave up, got a shave and shave the rest off. And of course I couldn’t go with a hairless left leg and a hairy right leg so I shaved all the hair off my left leg too.

Sniff, sniff. I miss all the hair. I should have named them. Carly 1st, Carly 2nd, Carly 3rd…. Carly nth. But I never gave them a chance to prove themselves worthy. Waaaaahh.

Anyway, on less shallow topics we had our recollection today. It was a day of tears, laughter and stampede-inducing photo shoots. We watched a lot of really interesting films, documentaries and slides that served as some ‘rude awakening’ for all my batch mates and me. The saddest one, the one which made me saddest anyway, was the picture of a malnourished African child about to be eaten by a vulture. Despite the fact that it won a Pulitzer Prize (I think) it was still so depressing. Very depressing, in fact, that the person who took the shot committed suicide three months after taking that picture – out of depression, they say.

My favorite part of the recollection was the affirmation circle activity. It was organized for a limited number of people only so instead of forming a circle we walked around the whole session hall instead. I swear a lot of people cried, myself included. It was just so tough saying goodbye to these people you’ve known for years; I’ve been in KHS for nine years and it ain’t easy to just hop on a plane and settle down in UP. Everyone was crying, I was saying sorry to my pals over and over and we were just plain emotional. Even when it was time for the next activity, confession, I was still sobbing my heart out.

Ooh. Talk about the devil. I had fun sharing my sins. No, not because I’m sadistic or evil…. It’s just that the priest was really great, giving great advice and encouraging me to reflect deeper. I really had a great time listening to him and I hope he sensed my gratitude. I got confused with his advice though. I mean, I knew I had to do THAT all along but it just never seemed so easy to do. It’s like HERCULEAN. Super duper major.

I still had a great day. I came home with a happy heart – made obvious by my overactive mouth – and I’m really looking forward to college. It’s sad to say goodbye but it’s imperative that we do so. If we don’t we shall never achieve closure and we will be carrying excess baggage for the rest of our lives.

Poof!

with I hope all of you already know what a scribe is cause it is the topic of my blog for today. In almost every prototype publication I’ve tried to work on I’ve always used that as my title. I guess I’ve always imagined myself as a scribe… You know, ancient, with a quill, donning one of those long robes, important in matters of the society… Lolz.

Anyway we had our final Campus Observer party yesterday - final for us Seniors, I mean. That might have been the last time the Senior staff could bond with Ma’am G and work with the Juniors for the paper. See, we’ve handed the ‘key of responsibility to them’ and now we’re officially fired.

It was a happy-slash-sad celebration. We actually had the guts to have a kiddie party in Jollibee and thank God we did cause we had a rocking great time! But it became all so sad when it was time to say goodbye - ugh! I suck at goodbyes! Did you know I even nearly cried when Gokusen ended?!?

Either way the CampObv will always be a part of moi. I can’t imagine myself not being the EIC and not having met Ma’am Grace. I mean, gosh, it’s already an invaluable part of my life! I don’t know what I’d be without it.

SO goodbye to deadlines and chasing after people. Goodbye to clutter and unprecedented computer failure. Goodbye to climbing over from the SCC room and getting in through the windows. Goodbye to great friends, to my surrogate Mummy and to a part of myself - the part I might as well be leaving behind. Goodbye, CampObv!

Agh. Agggh. Agherama! So corny!

Poof!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

All things start with something.

Ultimately they must end with something as well.

Thanks to Fantabulosa Kristina Yamba I have acquired new pictures for my collection. Here are a few photos from last Saturday’s outing at Tablon!